WHY I DON'T GO TO GAMES

I DON'T GO TO GAMES ANYMORE ,NOT EVEN IF YOU GIVE ME A TICKET. HERE IS WHY;

1. The drive to & from the stadium . This can take from 1 to 12 hours depending on where the game is. This is time I could be reading, doing Sudoku, or napping with Bud.

2. Parking & walking to & from the stadium. I have walked 2 miles from car to stadium. Some of the places you park, the walk back is the most exciting part of the night. Sometimes seeing your car still there is like winning the lottery.

3. Karma of Density - I have too much butt for my seat & tend to spill over a bit. Karma says I sit next to the biggest person at the stadium. So here is me & Jumbo trying to fit three 1/2 behinds in seats made for two narrow butts. We have a critical case of MBO. Major Butt Overload.

4. Jumbo has to go to the concession stand/restroom twice a quarter. This means I'm catching about 8 STINKY FACES a game.

5. There are long lines & high prices at the concession stand & restrooms. Waiting in line to pee at my age is dangerous.

6. People keep jumping up & down. To see I must jump up & down. When old Dudes jump up & down they must go pee, which brings us back to #5

7. You are hot, cold or wet or a combination there of.

WHY I WATCH AT HOME

1. No drive time , just turn on & off when the game begins or ends.

2.No parking or walking

3. I sit in my Lane Rebel recliner all by myself. No Jumbo.

4. I have never gotten a STINKY FACE in my den.

5. No lines at the restroom or the fridge. Low prices too.

6. No jumping up & down . No one between me & 52" wide screen. No dangerous waits at restroom.

7. Weather is always perfect.

LAST SATURDAY I WATCHED GAMES FROM 11 TO 11. WATCHED ABOUT 8 OF THEM . NO MUSS NO FUSS .KEEP THOSE TICKETS.